Nothing's Sacred

Last night I became an ordained minister of the Universal Life Church. Surprise! Yes, I am still an Atheist. In fact, my atheism is what lead me to do this. I was watching a YouTube clip from "The Atheist Experience" TV show that airs here in Austin, and one of the hosts, Matt Dillahunty, said that he was also an ordained minister. He said that he took a few moments and signed up online. This idea intrigued me, so after watching the clip I went to the web site for the Universal Life Church and became ordained. All I had to do was enter my legal name, address, and e-mail address and abracadabra I became ordained. Easy as cake (Carlin fans will understand that). Now, you may be asking yourself why I wanted to do this. Well, I find the whole idea rather amusing. The idea that someone like myself can become a real ordained minister over the Internet further proves to me that this whole religion thing is just plain silly. The Universal Life Church issues ordinations based on the belief that all people are already ordained by god and that the church is simply recognizing this fact. So, if we're arguing that a god does exist, then even someone like me is capable of being a minister. If any of you out there need someone to officiate at a wedding, funeral, Bar/Bat Mitzvah, etc. you know who to contact.

Note to Self

Note to self:

Eating garlic or something garlic-flavored before bed is a bad idea. It may keep the vampires away, but no matter how many times you brush your teeth the flavor will remain.

Fanboys of a Different Sort

As many of you know, I am very outspoken about two things: my atheism and my love of comic books. It may not seem like the two have anything in common, but I've come to realize that I can reconcile my disappointment with religious folk with my love of comic books. I have been interested in both things for roughly the same amount of time. I remember being about 10 or 11 years old and hearing about a book called "Why Do Bad Things Happen to Good People?". I did not read the book, but my mom had read it and the central question seemed to be: "If god created the universe and is still in control of it, then why does he allow suffering and injustice?" The question is a good one and it is one that lead me down the path towards atheism. About a year later I discovered George Carlin, and ever since hearing his album "Jammin' In New York" in the sixth grade I began to share many if not all of his thoughts and observations about religion, politics, the Earth, and life in general. After hearing Carlin's take on god and religion I still had my Bar Mitzvah, which was yet another step towards my godless lifestyle. The Bar Mitzvah is supposed to be a time in a boy's life when he becomes a man in the eyes of the Jewish community. A time when you are supposed to be an individual that is responsible and righteous, but I didn't care about any of that. I cared about getting through all of those damned Torah study sessions so that I could get to the party. This Bar Mitzvah would be a weekend all about me and I would be able to get loads of presents. Now, I was never a selfish or spoiled kid, but hey I have Jewish blood so if someone wants to give me free shit I'm going to take it. After the craziness of the Bar Mitzvah was over I didn't feel any different. I didn't feel any closer to god. In fact I wanted nothing to do with religion. After the Bar Mitzvah came religious school at the temple once a week. Hot diggity! I was already going to a religious middle school and now I could count on an extra hour of religious study per week. Since I wasn't emancipated from my parents and I wasn't strong enough to argue with them, I went to the religious school classes while my sister, who drove me to the classes, decided to ditch said classes. And I continued to go until I was confirmed at 16. At that point I had had enough and I told my parents that I was through and that they should not expect to see me graduate from religious school. I received some backlash, but it was more like nagging than anything else. Afterall, both of my sisters had graduated so why should I be any different? I guess they couldn't complain too much since I was at a religious high school and I would still be receiving a good, solid religious education. After high school was over I went to college, and like most people my age I discovered that I didn't have to live the life that my parents wanted for me. Even though there was a Hillel at UT San Antonio I didn't have any interest in finding out any information about it. I didn't seek out a synagogue either. I only attended services when I returned home for the religious holidays. I would just sit in my seat and daydream or walk around the temple until after services let out. I would have rather been anywhere else, but my family still had a bit of a stranglehold on me. The next summer I went back to Camp Sabra like I had every other year and I participated in the Shabbat services, but not out of some feeling of religious duty. I simply liked the song leader and it was fun to sing along with the campers and fellow staff members. That same summer a friend of mine was reading "The God Delusion" by Richard Dawkins. I was happy to see a like-minded thinker at a Jewish summer camp. He let me read the book when he was through with it, and after the first few pages I came to realize that I was an Atheist. I guess it had never occurred to me before reading the words in print but it all made sense. I found it very ironic that I became an Atheist while at a Jewish summer camp. I was happy that I had finally come to realize this, and I now understood why religion had left me with such a bad taste in my mouth for all of these years. I now had a label for myself. When I returned home from camp I decided to tell my family. I got different reactions from each family member ranging from disappointment to confusion. Despite my years of dragging my feet to services and religious school they still seemed rather shocked by the news. They all seem to hold out hope that this is all just a phase. That I'm just mad at god and that I will one day find religion again. A few months later I decided to buy tickets to a Dave Matthews Band concert that took place on the eve of Yom Kippur which is the holiest date on the Jewish calendar. I was going to go to the concert with both of my sisters and that came as yet another shock to my parents. Maybe they realized that this wasn't just a phase any more. As I became more comfortable with my Atheism I began to tell other people my thoughts and feelings on religion and I learned that a few of my friends had already felt the same way. I learned that there was a rather large Atheist community in Austin and that they put on a weekly TV show about Atheism. I began to watch this show every week and I learned a lot about Atheism and religion in general, but I still was unable to get over all of these bad feelings that I had about religious folk. I am a very tolerant person and I can respect people who have different opinons, but I was never able to respect people that called themselves religious. I just could not understand how they were able to be mostly rational people on six days out of the week, but they would all gather in their religious houses of worship and pray to an invisible man in the sky. I did not like feeling this way. I do not claim to be in any way superior, so I wanted to be able to understand. Today, I finally realized how I can begin to understand these folks. As I said at the beginning of the post I am a lover of comic books. I go to the comics shop every Wednesday when the new books come out and I arrive there just as the store opens. Some might even call my devotion to these four-color adventures religous. So, that's when it hit me. Maybe I can learn to accept that there are people out there that do not share my thoughts on religion, just as there are those who are not into comic books. I am a fanboy when it comes to all things related to comic books just like religious folk are fanboys when it comes to all things related to god. It may not be the best way to understand why people cling to their religious beliefs but it's a start.

Cheap Thrill

I had such a good time clicking that "publish post" button that I think I'll do it again.

The Time Has Come

I'm back again from another long hiatus. Did you miss me? You probably didn't even notice that I was gone. That's OK. I didn't really leave any impression on you. I am back though. Unfortunately I don't have anything to say at the moment. If you have any suggestions of things that I can blog about please let me know in the comments section. If not, then please comment anyway. I'd love to hear from you. Consider this my retirement from procrastination. Hopefully you'll see me on here more regularly.

So, I'm a Jackass...

As you can see I have not achieved my goal of posting here once a day. I haven't even posted an item every other day. My apologies. I have been pretty busy since I last posted here. Have I been busy with important things? No, not quite. I've actually been quite lazy, but laziness takes up a lot of my time. So, what exactly have I been doing these last three weeks? Well, a few days after the most recent post I went back to Houston and then I hopped on a plane and flew to Seattle with my family. I spent a few days there and then my other sister flew in from Los Angeles and the whole family drove to Portland. After a few days in Portland my L.A. sister flew to New York to do a week of press for her new company. You may have heard of it. It's called Moody Mamas and she is teaming up with the most recent Project Runway winner, Christian Siriano, to create a line of fashionable maternity wear. Look for it in a store near you in 2009. OK, that's enough plugging for now. So, after my L.A. sister went to New York I spent some more time in Portland with the rest of my family and returned to Houston on the 15th. Later that evening I went with my Houston sister and my good friend Jessica to a Dave Matthews Band show in The Woodlands, TX. The show was great as usual. It was full of energy and had some good Davespeak (look it up: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=davespeak). It's unfortunate that I didn't get to see Leroi Moore perform at what would have been one of his last shows ever, but Jeff Coffin was a good replacement. Leroi will be missed. Fortunately though, I was able to see him nine other times over the decade so I can cherish those performances. Since the show, I've pretty much hung around my parent's house. I've not done much of anything really. I have spent a lot of time on the Internet (and yes, I know that I could have been blogging). I've played with my dog Oliver, and took him on some nice long walks. I have tried to manage my ever-growing stack of comics, but I haven't had much success. I reconnected with an old (relatively) friend through the magic of facebook IM. I also discovered text messaging on my phone. I knew that it existed, but I had never used it before. So far the novelty has not worn off, but I have to slow down or I'll use all of my texts before the billing month is over. I'm sorry that this is not the most interesting entry, but I just wanted to get everyone up to speed. I will try to post things here more frequently. Hopefully my future entries will be more interesting. As always, please leave your comments below.

Keeping Your Penis Erect And The Shotgun Out Of Your Mouth

As I mentioned in my previous post, I have a very good friend named Tivo. One of the advantages of having Tivo is that I am able to skip commercials if I am watching a previously recorded show (unfortunately there is no way to fast forward during live television). Since I've had a Tivo there are two things that I've noticed while watching shows on a Tivo-less TV: 1) there are a shit load of commercials on TV-- a normal half hour show is reduced to 20-21 minutes of content while an hour long show has about 40-43 minutes and 2) there are a lot of commercials for pills that cater to all types of needs. The most common pill commercials are selling a future without erectile disfunction, herpes outbreaks or crippling depression. One thing that all of these commercials have in common is that the characters are almost always seen walking (or biking, running or frolicking) through a field or some type of wooded area. In the case of commercials for Cialis, one of the many boner pills advertised, characters will sometimes appear in matching bathtubs with their spouse as they watch the sun set in a field. We Americans live in a capitalist society and we are also compulsive consumers. We are constantly bombarded by advertisements. There are ads in our newspapers, magazines, web pages, TV shows, movies, radio broadcasts, in our sky and along the road. We are always being told what to buy and that these products will make us happy and improve our lives. We keep buying bullshit items that don't satisfy us so we have to find the next great product to make our lives complete. This country is one big commercial cesspool and you have to wonder when and where it will all end for us. I like to be able to share my own thoughts, but George Carlin said it best so I'll let him speak: "I think we're already 'circling the drain' as a species, and I'd love to see the circles get a little faster and a little shorter." Call me paranoid, but I can forsee a future in which advertisements are catered to the individual and wherever you turn another company is trying to sell their product to you and they address you by name. This future is not unlike the one presented in "Minortiy Report", and I only hope that I'm not around to see it. This post was meant to be a short one, and I ended up with a rambling and incoherent entry. I never claimed to be a good writer and I am hopeful that future posts will be better. Good night nurse.

Test Post

I now have a blog. So do millions (if not billions) of others around the world. What makes this blog any different from the others? At the moment, nothing really. In my time here I will write about many of the things that pop into my head. Any topic that I want to write about will be addressed, and nothing and I mean nothing is sacred. I figure that anyone who is reading this can handle whatever I have to say, and if not they are free to stop reading. So, you must be wondering who I am, and you also may want to know why you should read this blog. Well, I'm a pretty normal guy. I like movies. I watch a number of different TV shows. I read lots of comic books. Don't worry though-- I am not the kind of comic book fan who is afraid of natural light and lives in their parent's basement (although I do know folks like that). I simply like to read stories that have great art to accompany the text. I read "normal" books too. I live in Austin, TX with my dog Oliver and my Tivo (which is unnamed but is also a great companion). I one day hope to work in the entertainment industry in some capacity, and I am currently working for a local film company that is producing a cable access show. Well, I guess that's all I have to say right now. Please feel free to comment on this and all subsequent posts. I hope that I can achieve my goal of posting one entry per day, even if the post is just a picture or a sentence fragment. Bye now.