Facebook Status

Stephen is wondering if one night of drinking by himself makes him an alcoholic. I know that this post is more fitting of a facebook status update, but I don't think that my family should see this post. Not that there's really anything for them to worry about. Obviously I'm sober enough to write this post and make it somewhat coherent. I went to Chili's with Stephen (Uzick) tonight and I had a Presidente Margarita with my meal. I got back home about a half hour ago and I made myself a drink and I will probably have another after I finish this one. I don't have any classes tomorrow, and I'm bored so I figured that I would entertain myself in some way that didn't involve the TV or my computer. So, I turned to my friends that reside in the refrigerator. I want to assure all of you that I am not depressed or anything like that, I just thought that it would be fun to have a drink or two. Is that wrong? People do this all the time right? Right?

The Adventures of The Decider and Uhhh, The Boy Wonder

Today started out like any other day. I woke up, fed Oliver, took him outside, and got online. Earlier in the week Stephen (Uzick) and I had discussed going to a new breakfast place called Juan in a Million on Cesar Chavez. He had seen it advertised on TV and it was supposed to be a great place to get breakfast tacos. So, when I got up this morning at around 9 I had to remind myself to avoid breakfast until Stephen got online and I could confirm our plans. Before I had noticed, it was almost 11 and Stephen hadn't gotten online, so I decided to send him a text message. He got online shortly after that and we decided to get up and get out of our apartments. A few minutes later he came over and we drove to Juan in a Million. I guess we underestimated it's popularity because it was packed. There were a lot of people waiting outside and no place to park, so we had to turn around. First, we thought that we would go to El Chilito on Manor Rd., but then Stephen thought it would be a good idea to go to Taco Shack because it would be more filling. So, we then drove back to the campus area and went past the Taco Shack on Guadalupe which looked pretty empty. On our way we also looked at Kerbey Lane, but decided it was too busy. Then, we decided to check out the other location on Lamar and we saw that they also looked pretty empty. We realized that much like another quality establishment, Chick-fil-A, Taco Shack is closed on Sundays. Thanks God. When are people going to realize that money is better than their invisible friend? Don't they realize that they will likely make more money if they stay open 7 days a week instead of 6? If they still wanted to respect their employee's religious delusions, then couldn't they just give the ultra-religious time off on Sundays, and remain open for those of us that like to eat good food on Sundays or any other day of the week? But, I digress. So, after three failed attempts, Stephen and I decided to try the other Kerbey Lane on Kerbey Ln. At first, we couldn't figure out how to get there so we ended up driving around in a few circles, and when we finally found it we realized that it was pretty small and it also looked pretty packed. So, we then drove to Waterloo Icehouse on 38th and Lamar. Now, while all of this is going on Stephen and I are trying to come up with other restaurants that we could go to. We're so indecisive. It always takes us a long time to come up with ideas for whatever we want to do. We'll go back and forth between a few places and then narrow it down to two and by then we have to flip a coin. Sometimes we'll flip and we won't like the outcome of the toss so we'll have to go for best two out of three. Neither one of us wants to make a decision that the other one will be unhappy with. Anyway, we finally got to Waterloo and sat down at our table. Our waitress soon came along and we both ordered a rather large meal since it was after 12 and neither one of us had eaten anything yet. She was rather cute and we both thought that it would probably be a good idea to strike up some kind of conversation with her, but we both chickened out because we're cool like that. Also, she reminded us of someone, but we were unable to figure out who. I came up with the idea that she kind of looked like a hybrid between Vanessa Hudgens and Mila Kunis. Anyway, as we were eating I congratulated Stephen on his decision-making abilities as he was the one that said we should go to Waterloo. It was really a good choice and I'm sure we'll be back there soon. I gave him the nickname Mr. Decider, which would then make me his Boy Wonder. He then came up with The Decider, which even though it brings back horrible memories of Mr. Bush is a good superhero name, and I am his ward Uhhh. So, we are now the unstoppable team of The Decider and Uhhh, The Boy Wonder. After we were through with breakfast we went back to our apartments to change, and then went to the gym to attempt to work off some of the calories we had consumed at Waterloo. Stephen was more successful than me as he did some cardio, and I stuck to weights. Anyway, when we were through with the gym we were walking back on Stephen's side of 24th like we normally do and we came up to Cain & Abel's. As we came up to the parking lot we saw two guys and a girl standing by a car. One of the guys was clearly drunk, and it looked like his girlfriend or friend was trying to hold him up against the car so he wouldn't fall flat on his face. When Stephen and I approached, the dudebro (Sorry Vincent, it's such a good word. I had to use it.) that was propped up against the car, he said "Hey faggot." I looked at him, assuming he was talking to me, and he said "Yeah, you. You're a faggot." I said, "Thank you." I didn't know if I was supposed to be mad or whether or not this was an invitation, so I kept on walking past him. He called me a faggot one more time as Stephen and I walked away. Maybe if I was still on my caffeine high from breakfast I would have gone over to him, but I was so tired from the gym. I'm not sure what I would have done had I approached him though. Would his friends try to defend his buffoonish behavior? I could have done one of two things I guess: I could have made him uncomfortable (or comfortable if he was closeted and ashamed of himself) by going up to him and squeezing his balls, saying "Who's the faggot now?", or I could have tried to fight him. Maybe I would have "kicked his ass" just because he was so fucking stupid with his loafers, khaki shorts, polo shirt and backwards baseball cap. Oh, how I hate those clothes. If he wasn't so piss drunk I probably wouldn't have stood a chance, but since he was I probably could have gotten in some good hits. I wasn't offended that he was calling me a faggot, I just didn't realize that we were still in middle school. Who calls someone a faggot anymore just based on their appearance? Also, who is shitfaced by 3:30 in the afternoon on a Sunday? He's probably making Jesus weep. Perhaps next time someone tries to insult me I'll have a better response. Anyway, enough on that subject. I'm over it now. I guess this is as good a place as any to stop. 'til next time fair citizens. Until then I remain Uhhh, The Boy Wonder.

Nothing's Sacred

Last night I became an ordained minister of the Universal Life Church. Surprise! Yes, I am still an Atheist. In fact, my atheism is what lead me to do this. I was watching a YouTube clip from "The Atheist Experience" TV show that airs here in Austin, and one of the hosts, Matt Dillahunty, said that he was also an ordained minister. He said that he took a few moments and signed up online. This idea intrigued me, so after watching the clip I went to the web site for the Universal Life Church and became ordained. All I had to do was enter my legal name, address, and e-mail address and abracadabra I became ordained. Easy as cake (Carlin fans will understand that). Now, you may be asking yourself why I wanted to do this. Well, I find the whole idea rather amusing. The idea that someone like myself can become a real ordained minister over the Internet further proves to me that this whole religion thing is just plain silly. The Universal Life Church issues ordinations based on the belief that all people are already ordained by god and that the church is simply recognizing this fact. So, if we're arguing that a god does exist, then even someone like me is capable of being a minister. If any of you out there need someone to officiate at a wedding, funeral, Bar/Bat Mitzvah, etc. you know who to contact.

Note to Self

Note to self:

Eating garlic or something garlic-flavored before bed is a bad idea. It may keep the vampires away, but no matter how many times you brush your teeth the flavor will remain.

So, I'm a Jackass...

As you can see I have not achieved my goal of posting here once a day. I haven't even posted an item every other day. My apologies. I have been pretty busy since I last posted here. Have I been busy with important things? No, not quite. I've actually been quite lazy, but laziness takes up a lot of my time. So, what exactly have I been doing these last three weeks? Well, a few days after the most recent post I went back to Houston and then I hopped on a plane and flew to Seattle with my family. I spent a few days there and then my other sister flew in from Los Angeles and the whole family drove to Portland. After a few days in Portland my L.A. sister flew to New York to do a week of press for her new company. You may have heard of it. It's called Moody Mamas and she is teaming up with the most recent Project Runway winner, Christian Siriano, to create a line of fashionable maternity wear. Look for it in a store near you in 2009. OK, that's enough plugging for now. So, after my L.A. sister went to New York I spent some more time in Portland with the rest of my family and returned to Houston on the 15th. Later that evening I went with my Houston sister and my good friend Jessica to a Dave Matthews Band show in The Woodlands, TX. The show was great as usual. It was full of energy and had some good Davespeak (look it up: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=davespeak). It's unfortunate that I didn't get to see Leroi Moore perform at what would have been one of his last shows ever, but Jeff Coffin was a good replacement. Leroi will be missed. Fortunately though, I was able to see him nine other times over the decade so I can cherish those performances. Since the show, I've pretty much hung around my parent's house. I've not done much of anything really. I have spent a lot of time on the Internet (and yes, I know that I could have been blogging). I've played with my dog Oliver, and took him on some nice long walks. I have tried to manage my ever-growing stack of comics, but I haven't had much success. I reconnected with an old (relatively) friend through the magic of facebook IM. I also discovered text messaging on my phone. I knew that it existed, but I had never used it before. So far the novelty has not worn off, but I have to slow down or I'll use all of my texts before the billing month is over. I'm sorry that this is not the most interesting entry, but I just wanted to get everyone up to speed. I will try to post things here more frequently. Hopefully my future entries will be more interesting. As always, please leave your comments below.